Nash's world

Tag: kids

41 Reasons why I shouldn’t be a father

by on Jun.13, 2010, under Uncategorized

  • 1. I’d undoubtably call the child Spider-man or Optimus Prime or something.
  • 2. Failing that, I’d just call him or her Optimus Prime or Spiderman or something, regardless of what’s on his/her’s birth cert. To prove, I’ll name my hypothetical child Shepard for the remainder of this list.
  • 3. Shepard’s first language would be C.
  • 4. I’d train him from day one to be a superhero some day. This is apparently a bad thing.
  • 5. I’d smack him if he didn’t use grammar more or less correctly in any language he speaks.
  • 6. I’m dyslexic so he would not be able to spell
  • 7. I’d leave him in the wilderness at a young age for a few weeks to let him fend for himself.
  • 8. I’d feed him a small amount of various toxins every few days in increasing amounts to help him build up a resistance.
  • 9. I’d train him in the art of gun kata from four years of age.
  • 10. Shepard’s mother would presumably be some sort of android.
  • 11. Speaking of, at birth, I would replace a few of his body parts with replaceable robotic ones.
  • 12. I’d end up eating all of his Coco Pops.

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